I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
