I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
