smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
