i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
