I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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