Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
