I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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