tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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