Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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