I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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