they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
