we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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