I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
