Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
