You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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