I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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