Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You left your phone here
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