I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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