You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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