eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Everclear isn't food dammit
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
