I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
this is an emotional support booty call
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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