i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
