ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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