the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
