He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
