meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
handjob tips. give me some.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
