I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
