umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
