I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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