i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
