Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
