After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
