I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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