not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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