I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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