You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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