Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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