Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
