he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
