I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
