So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
