I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
