yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
