Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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