He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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