Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
