did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
