so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
