meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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