I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
