I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
