it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
