I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
