I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
