theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
