Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i think my cat just said my name.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
