just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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