I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
